Shootout at the Fantasy Factory, Part II
By Michael – Louis Ingram, Editor
PHILADELPHIA (BASN – STR / ITR) In our previous piece we related how former Cleveland Browns defensive back Bernie Parrish intimated in his 1971 book, “They Call It A Game” that certain NFL games were fixed WWE – style; as League management dictated who would emerge as “champion” rather than the athletes deciding it on the field…
With the outdoor Super Bowl and the spectacle to be presented, more often than not the Path to the Game supersedes The Game itself.
Looking at this as the literal fly on the wall, the Executive Board of the League, its Commissioner, some of the Mouse Minions and other television Turd Blossoms would be in the smoke – filled room extrapolating on what would make for the best matchup on the great stage.
As the season began, it seemed a Battle of the Brothers was the ideal scenario – Peyton vs. Eli. East Coast vs. West Coast (kinda sorta) Denver Broncos vs. the New York Giants – name recognition, a Super Bowl rematch – right down to the Muthafuckin’ Papa John’s pizza commercials!
Oh, you can bet a few dicks got hard behind that one…but a funny thing happened on the way to the game; the Giants and Eli fucked – up on their end of the deal…
So, as we are entertaining Brother Parrish’s premise, here’s some of the likelihood of other potential hookups – and their priority. Let’s peep at the American Football Conference and see who we have left coming into Week 16 of the regular season:
Miami Dolphins (8- 6) (at Buffalo): The Fish were supposed to sleep with the fishes because of the Jonathan Martin – Richie Incognito situation, but the team has pulled itself up from ignominy to the land of mediocrity – which would likely create more problems than the League would want to handle right now given the kinds of questions that should be asked (as in “What is an ‘Honorary Negro’”? I think that would make immediate Classic status with the “How long have you been a Black QB?” query made to Doug Williams before he waxed John Elway’s ass in Super Bowl XXII – but I digress.)
Or (to GM Jeff Ireland) “Is YOUR mother a Ho?” How about, “How many players did you question as to their sexuality?” “Do YOU like girls?” Why didn’t Jonathan Martin come to you? Is the fact he didn’t an indictment of how fucked up your operation is?
Intriguing how the Martin issue has been tabled until next season; and that Roger Goodell was as clandestine as can be with making sure his name disappeared from the news as quickly as possible given the shit storm (aided by The Mouse and Fox Sports)…
Ultimately, because of the public relations nightmare that could happen, Miami poses far more problems than the potential for an ideal SB opponent. (Priority – Very Fucking Low)
Cincinnati Bengals 9-5 (@ home vs. Minnesota): Even with their pre – season touting, Bengals haven’t played as well as they should have. Losing stud Pit Boss Geno Atkins hurt, but Cincy was deep on defense even without him. Head Coach Marvin Lewis (yet to win a playoff game) would become a decent sidebar; and with Tony Dungy eligible on the Pro Football Hall Of Fame ballot for the first time, that angle may twist a few arms in the room while the selection process is cookin.’
I don’t think Andy Dalton is gonna make anyone forget Ken Anderson anytime soon, but why the fuck is Ken (the original “Snake”) Riley not been supported by Cincinnati media to make the case for Riley’s induction into the Hall before these Fantasy Pussies take over the process? (Priority: Moderate, Workable)
Denver Broncos 11-3 (already clinched, at Houston) Peyton Manning wants that second ring – and he probably doesn’t give a fuck about what anyone wants on their pizza (although he probably owns a couple of Papa John’s franchises). Well, after the Ray Lewis Farewell Tour, The NFL would love to facilitate Peyton’s effort on their behalf.
While Peyton doesn’t seem as aw – shucks as Eli, he gives Denver enough cachet to matter – because while any real reason Denver has a shot will depend more on MLB Von Miller and a decent pass rush, the truth often gets in the way of the story those in control want to convey.
Given Manning’s comeback from what would to most be a career – ending injury, the TV Gods would be appeased with inundating football fans with wall – to – wall Peyton in prime time. (Priority: Very High)
Indianapolis Colts 9-5 @ Kansas City Chiefs 11-3 (both already clinched) While Indy won by attrition for the most part (an injured Jake Locker in Tennessee, underachieving Houston and weak – ass Jacksonville) The League has loved Andrew Luck ever since he was in “diapers” – and has endeavored to tout him as The Next (in spite of whatever Robert Griffin III, Colin Kaepernick or Russell Wilson was ever gonna do!)
Suffice to say only Michael Irvin (bless that brother) was real enough in speaking on how what is being done to Griffin III would never have been done to Luck, but we are going to keep our focus on playoff teams for now.
Colts owner Jim Irsay is seeking to be the Next Face (Owner’s Division) of the NFL – and is still basking in the glow of holding The Next Marketing Chip (Luck).
Chiefs QB Alex Smith would never have gained such prominence if he hadn’t been perceived to have had his “team” snatched from him by Colin Kaepernick and Coach Jim Harbaugh.
Although Smith did win his playoff game, he struggled for years until Harbaugh nurtured him into becoming a winner (guess Troy Smith wasn’t worth the time)
But Kaepernick was drafted by Harbaugh to be his guy, and his success didn’t sit well with Smith no matter how he wanted to spin it!
So now Kansas City is sittin’ pretty – but if they can’t get a home game in the playoffs, they will be sacrificed to the Scenario Gods. HC Andy Reid has one major thing most of his opponents don’t have – a serious pass rush led by Tamba Hali – but Reid’s ass will get tight when the pressure is on as it always has been when he’s made it to the playoff stage.
For those outside of Philly (K.C., you’ll find out soon enough) that’s the last thing I wanna see on Super Bowl Sunday. (Priority – for Indianapolis, High; but for Kansas City – more like “We’ll take it if there’s nothing left.”)
New England 10 – 4 @ Baltimore (8-6): My New England – based colleague Travis Singleton said it best when he mentioned that New England was “probably the worst 10 – 4 team to come down the pike – ever.” The work done was beyond smoke and mirrors because the effort to protect Patriots QB Tom Brady has been further compromised by the very worst level of refereeing since the last job action!
While those efforts reek of the struggle to fairly call a game where management wants the offense to operate at a distinct advantage, there is no intent to mask protecting Brady – while other quarterbacks are being beaten down to the White meat!
Having Brady in the Super Bowl would be the best pick for the TV types; even though they know New England would not be the best team in the mix – just fly the flag, baby! Owner Robert Kraft and Head Coach Bill Belicheat have Most Favored status and will be worth several video vignettes in the production prior to and post game…
Meanwhile, Baltimore’s Ravens are harder to get rid of than in – laws; the defending Champs are showing an ability to close late (again!) and get in if they run the table.
Of every team in the conference, The Black Birds are the one team that scares the fuck out of New England – forevermore. Baltimore matches up very well with New England and will thump them as much as the refs will allow (which still won’t be much) but they seem the longest and least likely of shots because I don’t feel the League wants them back with a chance to defend their title; and QB Joe Flacco gets to defend Ravens’ management’s bestowing him with the big bucks!
When you add it all up, Baltimore is gritty; and New England (for me, anyway) is shitty! (Priority: for New England; high from the League, Higher from the TV Gods; for Baltimore: Low because the League resents the Champ and feels they already gave them ‘their’ championship)
San Diego Chargers (7-7) (at Oakland) I didn’t have San Diego in the original mix, but they have played their way to an outside shot so we are looking to be fair. QB Philip Rivers has had arguably his best season, but other than rookie WR Keenan Allen, Chargers really have no Flava; although the questions about sexuality may come back to bite Manti Te’o in the ass during Media Day if they get there (Priority: Oh HELL No!)
Next: the National Football Conference.
To be continued…
Always outnumbered…never outgunned.
Copyright © Michael – Louis Ingram 2013; all rights reserved.