The N-Files Volume I: The B.S. Is Out There
By Michael-Louis Ingram, Editor
(first presented August 25, 2009)
PHILADELPHIA – (BASN/BASN NEWSROOM) Two fingers of Bacardi Gold splash inside the glass and acquaint with the residing three ice cubes; a day’s work supposedly done.
Then a casual glance at the television screen makes you boot up the computer and start scribbling all over again.
You see the graphic footnote on ESPIN that Oakland Raiders quarterback JaMarcus Russell threw six of nine complete passes, and you’re thinking, “brother man is making progress” – then the “analysis” talks about what Russell didn’t do well; while showing two of his three incomplete attempts.
Now 67 percent completions are pretty good by any standard; except when it describes the efforts of a Black quarterback – and, even more specifically, a National Football League quarterback.
Cue whistling …
Agent C. M. Piper looked over his entry notes as he closed the window tab on the computer screen. It was nearly four o’clock on the West Coast, and time for the tele-conference.
Piper allowed himself to briefly ponder his time in Canada. 4:00 meant High Tea and the old Vancouver hotel where he had his first cucumber “samich” – bringing a smile to his face; the food could definitely be replaced, but the ceremony was cool…
Piper dialed in awareness of the two minute warning window, which now showed 48 seconds and counting. The constant cyber – attacks on RBG made such methods necessary; and in spite of the fact a call took a few seconds, the rerouting was what consumed most of the time.
Seconds later, a female voice came over the line. “This is RBG Control. I confirm Agent Craig Buchanan; Executive Director Mack McClain; Agent George Wheelwright; Agent Chanticleer Piper.
“Big MAMA* has secured the area, and you are now free to converse.”
Exec Director McClain opened the meeting. “Gentlemen – the purpose of this meeting is to light a match to a pair of gasoline drawers. The No Former (Slaves) League has stepped up its efforts to mollify, vilify, and nullify all evidence of the Black quarterback.
“Constant castigation by mainstream media has placed every Black field general at risk. Previous attacks, which were once discreet, have become flat-out blatant when skills of Black QBs are assessed in comparison to white QBs.
“Although we know some among the Black intelligentsia have eschewed conventional wisdom as to what the symbolism of this means, the time has come to address this untruth about Black QBs and create a better atmosphere in which we can energize a collective conscience. That said, I want to get to the field reports, and Agent Buchanan, you can set it off.”
Buchanan cleared his throat. “Chief, the situation in Minnesota is deplorable. Progress for Tarvaris Jackson has been severely compromised by the actions of the Vikings front office, head coach Brad Childress and owner Ziggy Wilf.
“I mean they went out of their way to move up and get Jackson the year he was drafted; then they tell the kid that he’s the guy; then pull him after 2 games.
“After they bury him, he has to bail out the team when Gus Frerotte gets hurt. All he does is go 3-1 down the stretch and leads his team to a division title and the playoffs. His reward for his efforts – was to have his job handed over to Brett Favre’s old ass.
“Favre comes back and debuts as the starter; goes 1-4 and almost throws a pick; meanwhile Jackson goes 12-15, 202 yards and a TD bomb. The mainstream media, of course, downplays Jackson and apologizes for Favre. Oh, and by the way- they’ve sold over 3000 season tickets since Favre signed.”
“Hmmm – well, can’t say I’m surprised,” said McClain. “Big Wheel – whatcha got for me?
“Boss the view from the Left Coast is spotty, to say the least,” said Wheelwright. “It seems everyone in the Bay Area is looking to give Jeff Garcia the starting job over JaMarcus Russell.
“Nothing from what I’ve seen would indicate that’s even remotely close to happening; but I can tell you that many Raider fans can sense something positive happening this year with the team.
“They drafted very well last year, and with McFadden, Bush and Baby Bear Fargus, they have an outside shot of stealing the AFC West division title. Denver’s got problems, Kansas City’s rebuilding, San Diego’s got Norv Turner – need I say more?”
The laughter lightened the sense of urgency as McClain’s tone matched the moment. “In that same vein, I feel this and the data collected from the past couple of seasons seems to be leading us to the previously stated conclusion,” sighed the Chief.
“Hey, Chief – I would like to take a different approach to this, if possible,” chirped Piper.
“Okay, Agent Piper – what’s on your mind?
“I think it’s safe to say everyone at this conference can see the plausibility of conspiracy; but I feel there’s more to it;
“We spoke on the Vikings and Raiders as places where the Black QB is under siege. Well we also know these teams have a shot to win a Super Bowl.
“After Doug Williams rocked the house in SB XXII, I think the league hierarchy underestimated Williams’ ability to lead; to this day, some are still saying he was ‘lucky’ or ‘hot’ the day he and Washington kicked their golden boy John Elway’s ass.
“So what I’d like to do is to have a budget authorized where we can put together investigative teams of RBG personnel to get to the crux of the matter, which I feel is a deliberate attempt to ensure a Black field general will never again have the sufficient fire power to destroy a great White notion like Williams did in the Super Bowl.”
McClain took in Piper’s words, pausing several seconds before he spoke. “I know how lazy this generation of information gatherers have been in working to present the truth; most of them couldn’t or wouldn’t know how to work a real beat.
“You couple that with what possible benefits we could provide in debunking many of the untruths perpetuated by this machine, and the pluses to this far outweigh any potential liabilities.
“Alright, Piper – you’ve got your funding; get the proof, and Buchanan and Wheelwright will work with you on this as code file RBG-072908, with you as lead Agent. Information will be on need-to-know until final draft of presented data.
“Gentlemen, Big MAMA* is alerting us our masking aura is dwindling. Let’s wrap this up and convene again after Agent Piper’s first draft directive. Good evening – and good luck.”
Piper smiled after hanging up the phone, excited over the chance to provide in earnest a scenario for stopping future Field Generals from taking their rightful place on the field.
As the rum slid down his throat, Piper highlighted his playlist; and found Monk’s “Misterioso” running. The volume clicks up, and the somber chords tapped him where he lived; magic fingers providing acupuncture for the soul.
“Well, the untruth is out there,” thought Piper. So – first things first; and, as if straight out of the Detectives’ Manual, Piper knew the place to be – was back at the scene of the crime – Super Bowl XXII.
*- MAMA (MODIFIED ANALOG MASKING APPARATUS)
To be continued…
Copyright (c) 2009 Michael-Louis Ingram all rights reserved.