BASN NEWSROOM’S TEN MOST FUCKED UP THINGS ABOUT THE NFL, VOLUME ONE

BASN NEWSROOM’S TEN MOST FUCKED UP THINGS ABOUT THE NFL, VOLUME ONE: MEDIOCRE WHITE QUARTERBACKS

By Michael – Louis Ingram, Editor – in – Chief

BASN NEWSROOM

 

PHILADELPHIA (www,basnnewsroom.com) This bullshit started in earnest with the 2011 Draft – and possible number one selection, quarterback Cameron Newton from Auburn University…

With years in of assessing players, looking at videotapes and evaluating why Player A is better than Player B, I (or anyone in my professional circle) have never savaged someone’s breakdown for reasons having to do with something other than football.

You can see flaws and explain what they are – within the realm of the sport; but character assessment went to character assassination when a loathsome Nigger named Nolan Nawrocki offered his opinion on Newton:

 

“Newton has a track record as a non-dependable, non-trustworthy, fake rah rah leader at a very key leadership position, he could really struggle to win a locker room. He projects as a top 15 pick in this year’s draft, but he is still very much a project. In five years, don’t be surprised if he is looking for another job.”

 

The Carolina Panthers decided that poison pen wasn’t enough to deter them from their selection (whether former owner Jerry Richardson sat him down and made him promise {paraphrasing} “no red meat and no White women!” is another story…

Newton would become the offensive Rookie of the Year, but that didn’t stop Nawrocki’s critique:

 

“Well, most concerning is that he cheated academically for one, he’s stolen on more than one occasion, he’s also lied. So he has some serious concerns there. In the words of one general manager I talked to last night, he’s a narcissistic con artist.”

 

So shit that has nothing to do with football is spewing from this asshole’s mouth. Nawrocki even dogged out the Panthers’ general manager at that time, saying Newton would be “out of the League in five years,” and that the Panthers would be doomed to mediocrity…

 

 

Five years later, Gen. Newton played in a Super Bowl, after being selected in a near unanimous vote as league MVP.  In his eighth season, Newton is 68-55-1 as a starter, 3-4 in the playoffs and an Offensive ROY and Most Valuable Player on his resume’ – how’s that for mediocrity, muthafucka?

 

While rhetoric may have died down a bit, the unspoken goal is to tear down the Black QB as much as possible – especially if everything indicates they may be headed for a significant bonus due to where they are selected in the Draft…

 

In this spirit, we will take the category, ‘Mediocre Muthafuckas,’ for $1000, Alex (and I don’t mean Smith)

The criteria we use will be the standard I have used when charting a drafted player at any position; in three years you as a team should know what you do or don’t have (all stats provided by http://www.pro-football-reference.com.)

 

THE “DEAD ROACH” SQUAD 

 

These two were so bad they couldn’t make the Top 10!

BLAKE BORTLES, LOS ANGELES RAMS: Drafted by Jacksonville, Bortles has one winning season in his five years, no doubt boosting his career record of 24-49-0. While never touted as a franchise QB, you have to wonder why Jacksonville spent the money. What’s even more embarrassing is that Bortles has a better post – season record than the number one selection on this list…

SAM BRADFORD, WASHINGTON 

While Bradford may be in Limbo, his numbers suggest he needs to stay there. With only one abbreviated winning season in nine years, his 34-48-1 record shows how as a number one overall selection, the injury – prone Bradford was vastly overrated.

 

And now, the Number 10 Most Mediocre White Quarterback, JOSH MC COWN, PHILADELPHIA EAGLES:

 

Between contemptuous attempts for Colin Kaepernick to be called in after a Wentz injury scare, this 17-year veteran was dusted off to provide the presence of experience and the “in case of emergency – break glass” position for the Iggles…

Never led a team to a winning season as a starter, a career record of 23-53 indicates don’t put him on the field unless you absolutely, positively need a body under center on that field.

 

The Number Nine Most Mediocre White Quarterback, CASE KEENUM, WASHINGTON:

Aside from the breakout 11-3 season in Minnesota which got him paid, the title of ‘journeyman’ fits Keenum. His career stats of 26-32 over seven seasons (including Washington’s first four losses this season reflects that of man who lucked into an opportunity back in Minnesota. White front office personnel and owners seem to gladly overpay to endorse their Whiteness (as we’ll reveal later) It’s not to say Keenum isn’t serviceable…he’s just not that good.

The Number Eight Most Mediocre White Quarterback, DEREK CARR, OAKLAND RAIDERS: 

 

NFL: Los Angeles Rams at Oakland Raiders

 

A first – round selection by Oakland in 2014, Carr played as if he was hit by one in his first two seasons as a starter. The rise and fall of Carr can be connected, in part, to the in-house purge of several Raider players and GM Reggie McKenzie. Carr went from a 12-3 playoff season starter in 2016 to the sub-basement of the AFC West, ably assisted by the garrulous guttersnipe Jon Gruden wearing the head coach headset. Carr is 34-48 lifetime with zero postseason wins.

 

The Number Seven Most Mediocre White Quarterback, RYAN FITZPATRICK, MIAMI DOLPHINS:

This journeyman  is likened to a gambler at a craps table; there are times when Fitzpatrick can roll sevens, make his points and hit a Horn Bet every now and then – but most times, he comes up craps and has to give up the dice because he knows however long he stays at the table, The House – always wins.

Having only one winning season out of 15 (50 -77-1 lifetime), the only thing “Fitz Magic” can do for your wallet, is make your cash – disappear.

 

The Number Six Most Mediocre White Quarterback, BLAINE GABBERT, TAMPA BAY BUCCANEERS:

 

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I remember the hype to talk some dumb-ass team to take Gabbert in the first round; I saw film of him and wondered: what the FUCK were they smoking? No arm, poor at reading defenses; and that hype has long been squashed  – 13-35 as a starter, no winning seasons in eight years. To quote the great humorist, Mr. Richard Pryor:

 

“DE BWOY AIN’T SHEEEEEEEIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTTT!”

 

The Number Five Most Mediocre White Quarterback, MATT RYAN, ATLANTA FALCONS:

 

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Now I definitely must preface this – Ryan came into the League and got his feet wet with superior talent (from tailback Michael “Burner” Turner to All – Universe receiver Julio Jones assisting him). He’s won games (103 -75 career) so what’s wrong with this picture?

With all the great talent Ryan has been afforded since coming into the League, Ryan comes up way short in the postseason. a 4-6 record and “28-3” going into the fourth quarter of their last Super Bowl appearance; y’all know what happened (cue choking sounds)

With all the passers I’ve seen who have succeeded with less quality supporting talent, it stands to reason the so-called “Matty Ice” leaves me cold as an over-hyped ‘elite QB.’

 

The Number Four Most Mediocre White Quarterback, CARSON WENTZ, PHILADELPHIA EAGLES:

Much was made as to how Philly maneuvered to snag Wentz in the 2016 Draft. He has answered the bell for the most part, and in spite of nagging injuries each year he’s been in the League, he has a winning record (25-19) – BUT:

Wentz on the playing field can be a liability. He too often locks in on his primary read (usually tight end Zack Ertz) and critique from a former Eagle QB, Donovan McNabb, have further exposed potential Wentz words that may imply he may be a little thin-skinned…

Then there’s the health issue. When McNabb brought up how Wentz has been hurt each year he’s been in the League, it cannot be ignored that the 11-2 season which propelled Philadelphia to the postseason was started by Wentz, but finished by backup Nick Foles; Wentz has no playoff pedigree…yet.

Because the NFL has run out of White heroes at quarterback, finding new ones is a priority. The League wants Wentz to succeed, but until he can do 16 games plus the postseason – don’t believe the hype, because Donovan McNabb – just might be right.

 

The Number Three Most Mediocre White Quarterback, ANDY DALTON, CINCINNATI BENGALS:

 

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As with Matty Ryan, Dalton started off well, giving every indication that he could be, at the very least, a franchise quarterback. From 2011 to 2015, he averaged 10 wins a season for Cincy – but from 2016 to the present, Dalton has not had a winning season.  While 68-54-2 is a respectable record, Dalton has never, I repeat, NEVER – won a playoff game in four attempts; so you don’t ever get the feeling his game will upgrade with nine years in.

The term “game manager” was initially used to downplay anything a black quarterback would do (’cause they’re not that bright, y’ know) If the phrase were to be looked up in a football encyclopedia, Dalton’s picture – should be there.

 

The Number Two Most Mediocre White Quarterback, KIRK COUSINS, MINNESOTA VIKINGS:

 

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After Robert Griffin III was drafted by Washington in 2012, most everyone believed Washington had their franchise quarterback; until Cousins was selected in the fourth round that same Draft. Despite Griffin being picked as the Heisman Trophy winner, the pot was stirred to imply one day Cousins would be the better player.

A coaching change in Washington kicked Griffin to the curb (after being beaten like a runaway slave due to change in the interpretation of the run/pass option due to the success of QB’s like Kaepernick, Griffin and others after the 2012 season) and new head redneck Jay Gruden’s disdain for Griffin, Cousins was elevated to starter, won nine games – and everyone in D.C. lost their bunny wabbit – blinkin’ minds!

After two additional seasons of mediocrity, Cousins signs an unprecedented free agent contract – three years, $84 million in cash with Minnesota; every muthafuckin’ dollar of it…guaranteed.

Money, however, doesn’t make you better – so after two seasons of sub – par ballin’, another $28 guaranteed million will be spent on a Dead Roach of a quarterback whose career record remains below .500 (36-39-2) after eight seasons!

At least Dalton, Wentz and Ryan won a couple games – COTT DAYYYUUUMMMM!

 

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Before we hit the top of the table, here’s a Dishonorable Mention:

Chicago Bears’ signal caller MITCH TRUBISKY is into his third season. Although carrying a win percentage slightly above losing, defenses are getting a ‘book’ on him, forcing him into key mental errors…

 

AND NOW, THE MOST MEDIOCRE WHITE QUARTERBACK IN THE NFL – MATTHEW STAFFORD, DETROIT LIONS!

 

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There has never been such an overpaid, overrated piece of crap like Matthew Stafford.

He is the epitome of the bullshit The Shield wants you to buy. They will tell you about his size and his arm – but they forget to tell you how many fucking games he’s responsible for losing!

As if following some warped tradition, Stafford has similarly destroyed superior talent with his play under center. Knowing that the great Barry Sanders had his career short-circuited by an overpaid Scott Mitchell’s non – playing ass, wide receiver Calvin Johnson likely feels the same about Stafford.

Even “Optimus Prime” of TRANS/FORMERS fame is shaking his head knowing the level of carnage Stafford’s bad play was heaped upon Detroit’s “MegaTron!”

Four winning seasons out of eleven; zero-for-three in post season play and a career record of 68 -76-1. Stafford can’t even get above the mediocre line; and his Lions would have to go at least 12-4 to hit .500 – after a dozen fucking years!!

Somewhere, Bobby Layne is laughing…and pouring another drink.

You would think, to hear the NFL tell it, Stafford was making some heavy cream; but all Stafford has been making for Lions’ fans since he came into the League…is Welfare cheese!

The constipation of anticipation which comes with believing somehow Stafford will be great – will only have you grabbing the Charmin…while you wait.

 

to be continued…

Always outnumbered…never outgunned.

Copyright (c) 2019 Michael – Louis Ingram all rights reserved.

basneditor@www.basnnewsroom.com

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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